


Self Preservation

by Lyviel



Series: The AU where Dave survives [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 09:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21051884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyviel/pseuds/Lyviel
Summary: Sure, Klaus may have gotten a little injured in the last battle, but these things happen all the time so he really isn't sure why Dave is so upset.





	Self Preservation

The sort of terror Klaus felt on the battlefield was a familiar one. It forced him to swallow the horror as he pretended not to notice the misery and death all around. It was familiar, but it was not something he would ever get used to. Whether it was here in Vietnam or going on missions with his siblings, he hated that he was being forced to kill for someone else. Apparently he could never escape this.

Just like back then, here he focused on the one good things he could do, like protecting those around him. He encouraged his brothers in arms, making jokes even as he swallowed the bile rising in the back of his throat. Surely the battle had to be winding down now, surely one side or the other would have to retreat soon, he just had to hold out a little longer.

As he took a moment to breathe deeply to keep his hands shaking, he glanced at Dave who flashed him a mischievous grin before returning his attention to the battlefield. Klaus didn't miss how the smile didn't reach his eyes. There was just as much fear in him as there was in himself but they both dealt with it by laughing, by pretending they were fine. Klaus wanted to reach out, to squeeze his hand, to feel it warm against his own and know that they were alive, but that would have to wait.

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. A grenade. No one else had seen it, no one else was going to react in time, so Klaus threw himself at Dave, yelling a warning. He managed to push Dave down behind the safety of the barricade, but he wasn't so lucky. Something big and heavy crashed into him and the next thing he knew everything was dark.

For a blissful moment, everything was still and quiet, almost peaceful with just a ringing in his ears. Then the full force of the war came back to him in a rush; gunfire, explosions, and screams, and it all hurt so much. He was disoriented and confused, a weight on his back, knowing only that he had to get out of there and he had to find Dave.

The dark tight space brought back unwanted memories, flashes of mausoleums, of a closet in a shitty motel and rope burns on his wrists. He was already worried about Dave and all of it only enhanced his fear, causing him to scramble desperately out from under whatever was on top of him. He was almost blinded by the bright sun and it sent a stabbing pain through his skull. He felt so dizzy as he tried to get his bearings.

There were people moving all around and he tried to call out but choked on dust. He stumbled and someone grabbed his arm, supporting his weight, easing him to the ground. When he got his brain working enough to actually register that it was Dave, a wave of relief washed over him and he couldn't help but cling to his sleeve.

Taking a moment to look around, he discovered that apparently he'd been knocked down by a heavy bit of sheet metal that had once been part of the barricade and suddenly he was grateful he only had a concussion to show for it. It was worth it, though, because it looked like no one else had been seriously hurt.

"Stay down," Dave said urgently as he cupped Klaus' face, forcing him to look at him. Dave's hands were shaking.

"Dave? What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost," Klaus said because Dave looked so terrified and he couldn't have that. "That's supposed to be my job."

"What can I say? Thought I'd take a turn," Dave said playing along, although he still looked as shaken as Klaus felt.

He led Klaus behind a pile of sandbags, pulling him down with him so they were kneeling together well out of the line of fire before he started checking him for injuries, running his fingers over bruises, looking for anything broken. He raised one hand while the other continued it's wandering.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Dave asked.

"Why, don't you know?" Klaus joked, not particularly wanting to admit that his eyes weren't letting him focus. "You know, you should really save this for the bedroom. You trying to get me all hot and bothered out here on the battlefield?"

"I like to keep you on your toes," Dave said, unphased, and Klaus knew he had to be upset. Ordinarily that would be enough to distract him, make him blush. Dave ran his fingers tentatively through Klaus' hair as if searching for something. Klaus winced as he neared the back of his head, near where the pain was a constant throb.

"Ow!"

"You have a concussion."

"Well don't poke at it," Klaus exclaimed, pushing his hands away.

"Much as I'd like to continue this little date of ours, I think we'd better get you to the medic," Dave said.

It was weird, seeing Dave like this. He was usually so chill and laid back, keeping his cool even under the most dangerous circumstances. But right now he looked terrified and his hands were still shaking as he helped Klaus up. They'd been in countless battles but he'd never seen Dave look so rattled.

"Hey, are you okay?" Klaus said. "I'm the one who nearly got blown up, why are you shaking?"

"I think I'm supposed to ask you that," Dave said but at least he earned a little chuckle from him.

"No fair, I asked first."

"Just- do me a favor and try not to pull anymore stunts like that, okay? I can get out of the way myself." Dave said. "For a second, I thought-" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "Come on, let's just get you to a medic before you decide to try flying again."

"Don't worry, it was a one time thing. I've satisfied that little curiosity," Klaus joked.

Dave didn't leave his side, a gentle, supporting arm around him the entire time. Dave was always gentle, even despite the fact that he was in a hurry. He didn't even let him go when they arrived at the medical tent. Klaus was grateful for the excuse to maintain contact even around other people. Partly to avoid suspicion if only for Dave's peace of mind, and partly just because he enjoyed the contact, Klaus played up his injuries a bit, leaning against Dave as if he really did need him to stand until they finally lead them to an empty bed in the corner.

Chances were good everyone already knew they were together, it was hard to keep secrets when you're around the same group of people constantly. They were bound to notice the fond looks and fleeting touches that they tried so hard to hide. Still, Klaus certainly couldn't blame Dave for wanting to keep their relationship on the down low. That was a lesson hard learned even fifty years from now, it could only be so much worse here in the 60s. Thankfully everyone here seemed content to ignore them and he didn't want to push their luck.

Even if their tightly clasped hands would be overlooked, they both knew Dave couldn't stay, especially if the fighting was still going on. Still, he hesitated, dropping down into the chair next to the bed and rubbing at his face.

"Hey, what's up?" Klaus said, pulling his hand back so Dave would look at him.

"When that explosion went off," Dave said with a shaky laugh, but there was no humor to it.

"What's with all this concern?" Klaus said flippantly, as if he could just brush away all that worry. "I've had worse, it was barely a scratch. Usually people don't worry so much, I bounce back quick."

"Of course I'm gonna worry about you," Dave said, his calm charade finally falling away. He seemed to realize he'd gotten too serious and hurried to continued. "Come on man, if something were to happen to you, who am I supposed to jell with? You know all these guys are too square."

"Okay, okay," Klaus said, raising a hand in defense.

Despite his lighter tone, Dave still looked so shaken. A commotion at the entrance signaled the arrival of more wounded though and he had to leave, but not before squeezing Klaus' hand, even risking bringing it up to place a quick kiss to his knuckles.

"I'll be back. Don't go anywhere," Dave said.

"Fine," Klaus groaned in exaggerated disappointment. "But only because you asked so nicely."

Dave glanced back at him one last time before disappearing outside. Klaus watched after him for a long moment, feeling more confused than anything. He was always getting into scrapes, no one had ever reacted like that before, looking so terrified. He didn't really know what to make of it.

He didn't have long to contemplate, though, because eventually the nurse came by to bandage him up and give him some painkillers. Blessed, blessed painkillers. He spent the afternoon talking to the medical staff and any other patients that were brought in. Unfortunately, eventually evening came and everyone started settling in to sleep, leaving Klaus with his thoughts. He slept fitfully but the uneasiness of the day's events made it impossible to really rest.

Since arriving, he'd done his best to bury all memories of his time kidnapped but getting trapped after the explosion had brought it all back much too clearly, fueled by the horrors the war had heaped on top of it all. He thought he'd handled the whole torture thing pretty well at the time. How long had it taken him to finally break anyway? He wasn't a stranger to pain and he liked to think he wasn't too bothered about the whole ordeal, but that wasn't true.

He'd been afraid, actually afraid, and between his descent into withdrawals and knowing he had truly been abandoned by his family; it left a scar. There was an ache in his chest and he suddenly felt sick again, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes despite himself. Why was he like this? He told himself it shouldn't haunt him the way it apparently still did and he wasn't sure why he couldn't just lock it all away again instead of dwelling like this.

There was one thing he did know, though. He needed to get high, that would solve his problem nicely. He dug around in his pockets until he found the pill bottle he'd hidden there. It was ridiculously easy to get drugs here. It was apparently the military's solution to how few bodies they had to order around; just pump the soldiers full of drugs so you could get a few more day's work from them before they completely broke down.

He swallowed the pills dry, settling back with a relieved sigh. As his eyes finally began to droop, he remembered he'd already taken painkillers. That might have been a mistake. He was vaguely aware of Dave, suddenly at his side. He hadn't even noticed him enter. He watched as Dave's smile slipped, replaced with a look of confusion, and then the concern was back again when he spotted the pill bottle.

"How many did you take?" he asked urgently.

Klaus tried to get his mouth working but he just couldn't. The last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness was Dave leaving.

* * *

When Klaus came too, he was still in the medical tent, an IV now in his arm. The first rays of dawn were slowly peeking in through the door flap and, to his surprise, Dave was sitting in the chair beside him. Klaus hadn't expected him to come back. He'd figured Dave had just had enough of putting up with a junkie the way everyone did.

Sure, he'd never commented on his drug use before. They'd even used together on occasion, although Dave always took considerably less. Klaus supposed occasional recreational use was a bit different than what he did. Dave knew about the ghosts and why he needed the drugs, and Klaus was usually careful not to take too much and risk endangering the others, he had a responsibility here.

Still, he'd caught the worried looks Dave gave him sometimes and that usually became anger in Klaus' experience. There was no reason Dave needed to stick around and put up with Klaus' shit. Really it was only a matter of time until something like this happened. But if he'd finally wised up, why was he back?

Dave was currently smoking a joint which Klaus was definitely sure no one was supposed to do in here. Not that Dave was a stickler for the rules by any means, but he did tend to follow the sensible ones. His leg was bouncing restlessly, his face half hidden behind an arm as he leaned forward resting on his elbows so Klaus couldn't read his expression. He must have heard him moving though because he glanced up, straightening at the sight of Klaus awake and gave a strained smile.

Here we go, Klaus thought.

"Hey, welcome back," Dave said. "How do you feel?"

"Oh, just great," Klaus said. "Fantastic even." He reached out to take the joint from Dave, but he flinched back.

"Uh, maybe just give it a minute, yeah?" Dave said as way of explaining himself, trying to smile but it looked more pained than anything.

"What's going on?" Klaus asked suspiciously. Might as well get things moving.

"Ah, yeah," Dave took a heavy drag on the joint before dropping it, crushing it under a boot.

"Well that was a waste," Klaus said.

"You almost overdosed," Dave said, not even humoring him anymore which shook Klaus. "If I hadn't come by when I did and gotten the nurse-"

He cut himself off, making a strangled sound as he brought a hand up to scrub at his face.

"Hey, woah waoh woah," Klaus said in horror. This was definitely not how he'd expected this conversation to go. "What's going on? Are-are you crying?"

"I know, way to kill the mood, am I right?" Dave said with a nervous little laugh that broke Klaus' heart.

"No, come on," Klaus said as he reached out and grasped his sleeve, trying to stop Dave from turning away. Usually people were angry at this point, he had no idea what was happening. "You've already seen me cry enough times, it's fine. Just talk to me."

Dave cleared his throat harshly and rubbed at his face again, trying to compose himself. He took a moment to glance around the room too which Klaus suspected was partly to avoid eye contact and partly to make sure no one was watching them.

"I almost lost you," Dave said. "Twice. First the explosion, then that." He nodded to the bottle of pills on the bedside table.

"Why exactly are you here?" Klaus asked, voice harder than he'd intended. Apparently they were doing this after all. "You stormed off angry when you found the bottle before. Are you here to tell me to stop? Give me some sort of ultimatum?"

"Angry? What?" Dave said, confused. "No, never. Terrified more like. Look, I get it, I really do. I honestly don't know how you get through most days having to see ghosts, especially in a war zone, and I'm certainly no one to judge. I can't even imagine how horrible it must be, but I can't- I thought you were gonna die on me. I can't lose you."

"It's fine, really," Klaus said earnestly. "I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. You don't need to worry about me." He felt guilty. It really had been a stupid mistake, mixing the drugs like that. Not that that really sounded like much of a reassurance so he kept that to himself..

"How can I not?" Dave reached out and took his hand, squeezing briefly. "Just- please try to be a little more careful. I care about you. I want you to be okay."

Klaus was so used to being around people who barely tolerated him and certainly didn't care about his wellbeing. Usually they were only interested in what they could get out of him. And the few people who had cared had given up almost immediately. Even his own family barely cared. Not that Klaus could blame them. He spent his life chasing that high not thinking of anything else, the consequences had never matter.

And now here was Dave, caring despite everything Klaus had put him through since they'd met. It was a strange feeling, a little terrifying even and it made him want to be better than he was. He didn't think he was strong enough to give up drugs, but Dave wasn't asking him to. He just wanted him to be more careful, to take care of himself. He wanted him to be happy. And when Klaus looked at him, it made him want to try, for the first time in his life. Because it would make Dave happy.

"That might be a mistake," Klaus said with a self deprecating laugh. "I'm very good at getting myself into trouble."

"I was rather hoping I could get into that trouble with you, then we can run away from it together," Dave said, hint of his usual smile returning.

"Aw, sweet talker," Klaus said. Part of him wanted to keep pushing, to warn Dave away, but he knew that wouldn't work. Dave was too kind.

"I know you're never gonna stop pulling ridiculous stunts," Dave said. "And I'm gonna be right there with you trying to think of ways to make them even more ridiculous. But try to avoid anymore near death experiences, okay? For my sake? And definitely don't try to jump on any grenades for me when we can both just duck."

Klaus' mortality had always been a strange thing for him to think about. He didn't want to die necessarily, but he knew his life wasn't worth much of anything anyway. It never particularly mattered if he lived or died so he just never thought about it. It was freeing in a way, he felt invincible and he knew he would until he didn't anymore. Being in a war zone definitely forced him to reexamine all of that. As did Dave.

He wanted to be there, with Dave. He wanted to see him smile, to be the cause of that smile. He didn't know what Dave saw in him, but he saw everything in Dave. He supposed he'd have to develop some sort of sense of self preservation or he was only going to hurt Dave more.

"Fine," Klaus said, drawing the word out. "I guess I can at least try."

"Thank you," Dave said, thankfully grinning now.

"So long as you do the same," Klais leveled him with a glare and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

"I suppose it's only fair," Dave said, laughing. He leaned forward to give him a quick kiss, glancing around self consciously after. "Now, are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

"With what?"

"I know it couldn't have been ghosts bothering you, you'd already taken painkillers when you went for the drugs."

"Couldn't I just be bored?" Klaus asked innocently. Dave was way too observant.

"Come on, talk to me," Dave said. "We're in this together, remember?"

"Okay, fine, twist my arm why don't you," Klaus grumbled, although he couldn't exactly bring himself to be annoyed. "So, uh, you remember that first night I showed up?"

"Yeah, of course," Dave said, scooting closer. "You certainly know how to make an entrance, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Klaus winked. "But do you remember how I told you I stole the time traveling suitcase from a couple of assassins who'd been sent after my brother?"

"Yeah," Dave said, his smile falling as he seemed to guess where this was going.

"They'd kidnapped and tortured me for a day or two before that," he finished in a bit of a rush.

"Oh Klaus," Dave said. "I guess that explains the blood and scars."

He glanced around the room again and seemed to come to a decision because he crawled onto the narrow bed beside him, pulling him against his chest. Klaus gratefully leaned into the embrace, wrapping his arms around him as well.

"I don't think anyone even knew I was gone. Well, they probably still don't know I'm gone," he said. "I wonder if they'll ever wonder what happened to me?"

"You didn't deserve any of that," Dave kissed him before pressing his forehead to his.

"It's fine, really" Klaus said.

"No, it really isn't," Dave said. "I wish I could have been there for you."

"Then you would have been tortured too, idiot," Klaus pointed out.

"Woulda made it more fun," Dave said.

"No, I really don't think it would," Klaus laughed.

"Hey," Dave said, suddenly serious again. "I'm not gonna let you disappear on me. Okay?"

But that was what Klaus was good at. He just slipped away and no one ever thought twice about it. Except Dave. Dave, who was always paying attention, who cared enough to. The only one who actually looked at him and not the disaster he felt like he had become.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Klaus asked.

"You don't have to do anything," Dave said, kissing him again.

Klaus knew he didn't deserve him but, god, now that he had him he'd do anything to make him happy. He wasn't used to being wanted and he desperately wanted to make Dave feel the way he was making him feel now, like he was treasured.

"Hey," Dave said, pulling him out of his thoughts. "I know there isn't much I can actually do, but if you're ever upset you know you can talk to me, right?"

"Ugh, talking," Klaus said. "I don't know if you've noticed, but it's the Hargreeves specialty to just bottle that shit right up."

"Well, it's the Katz specialty to help you loosen the lid every now and then if you need. Or whatever."

"That kinda got away from you, there, didn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Still. Thank you."

They fell silent then, just holding each other close.


End file.
